redefining ‘healthy’
March 19, 2023
Hello Friends,
How are you? How is your nervous system? How is your heart?
Writing has been a soothing balm for me as I process and heal. So I’m continuing to write to honor my needs and allow the transition from 2022 to 2023 to be one that follows continuity, versus a couple of disjointed cycles. I’ll be working through some of these thoughts through a series of monthly letters about “What I’m carrying forward…”
I’m writing this second letter following a breast surgery that opened my eyes to a new definition of health.
I remember being a little girl, going to school when I was feeling under the weather because childcare is expensive and hard to come by at the last minute. Those days, over time, taught me to suppress my body’s signals and aspire to always being the “picture of perfect health”. That “perfect picture” also affected what I expected of my body as I grew into Black Womanhood. Healthy came to mean never getting sick, working through times when I didn’t feel my whole self, and holding my body to standards that were not created for me and and didn’t prioritize my wellbeing. Healthy was defined in absolutes. It was all or nothing.
When I first noticed the growth at my left breast, I knew something was wrong even though there was no pain. I will never forget the first doctor I visited saying to me “Well you know - maybe you don’t, now you do… breasts are not always symmetrical and you’re getting older - you’re fine. Keep an eye on it.”
My intuition told me that this wasn’t the doctor for me but it took months for me to find a doctor that cared enough to listen to the intelligence I have of my own body, and to investigate. In that time space, the picture of perfect health started to nag at me, I was unable to even face the sight of my own breast and I found myself upset at my own body for betraying me. The signals from my body intensified to pain, swelling, bleeding, but my focus was on my attachment to not being sick, needing to make money, not having time to be soft and incapable, and to the appearance of my breasts that I had known and carried with me my entire life.
When I did finally find the doctor and surgeon who respected the intelligence of my body and were willing to investigate until something was known, I remember being grateful for my intuition and the connection I have to my body to even receive its signals. My ability to sense and know where there was safety pulled me to a doctor, hospital, and care team that I could trust.
That shift in focus allowed me to stretch the skin of the label of healthy. Instead of absolutes, I’m including the spacious “yes, and” to my personal definition of health…Yes, my body can be in need of healing, and still be healthy because it is capable of healing. I’m also including being in communion with myself. My body can tell me what is needed through sensation, feelings, intuition, and signals. When I’m feeling fearful and anxious, perhaps what I’m experiencing is a need for – and pull to – care. As long as I can remain in communion with myself, able to listen and respond to what my whole self is asking for, there is health.
The space that I’m adding to my personal definition of health allows me a range to exist in versus an absolute setpoint to meet. And the picture of health also gets to change – I get the space to love my new breast and still see that I’m healthy and able. I get the space to see the whole of me with more grace, rather than valuing myself based on what dominant cultures and narratives have told me. I’m excited for this new framing of healthy and the new impression it’s made on me: an integrative approach in caring for myself and the ability to working towards the release of judgements.
I get the space to see my whole self with more grace, rather than valuing myself based on what dominant cultures and narratives have told me. I’m excited for this new framing of healthy and the new impression it’s made on me: the integrative approach in caring for myself and the ability to working towards the release of judgements.
We can leverage our experiences to create terms, agreements, boundaries and perspective. What’s been coming up for you lately? Are there labels, expectations and norms that can be reframed? What new perspectives are waiting to welcome you?
Yours,
Tonie
